1. The Douche That Bike
The good news: Your bike didn’t get stolen.
The bad news: You’re riding home with thirty pounds of steel rope around your waist, and you’re a douchebag.
2. The When One Is Not Enough
A bit excessive…
3. The Alternate Entrance
Windows were made to be broken. Sadly, if someone is willing to steal your car, they won’t mind bashing your windows in.
4. The Petty Protector
High ticket item. Most frequently used as a prank aimed at a wasted friend. Try locking a passed-out, bracelet-wearing friend to the refrigerator for best results.
5. The Bike That Lock
Things to remember for next time: lock the bike up, not just the tires.
6. The Quiet Exploder
This is called the Surprise Attack. When an unsuspecting thief steals your car, either the road comes with it, or the frame of the car stays behind.
In the event your car doesn’t get stolen, don’t forget you strapped your car to the floor. Also, if your car does get stolen, hope that the road comes with it to avoid repairs that cost more than your pile.
7. Uhh…
If I could tell what was going on here, I would write something more insightful.
8. The Steering Wheel Pot Pie
This one might actually work. Seriously.
9. The Hooked On Change
Loop it to a parking meter. This is mostly to make it appear as though the car is secure, when in actuality, all that a witless thief has to do is slip the loop over the top of the meter. Genius.
10. The Prison That Ride
Safeguard your windows. If this car were in Los Angeles, every window would be broken but nothing would be stolen. In the mind of the owner, this must be a success…
